6 tips for staying sober during social distancing

Staying sober amid social distancing and uncertainty

Big Foot, the social distancing world champ!The world is CLOSED. We live in the age of the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic now. It’s a shocking, scary, annoying, sketchy, and fucked up roller coaster, to say the least. The open-ended-ness of it is what’s getting to me most right now. If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. This situation won’t last forever and may be hell to climb out of, but for the time being, it’s important to find healthy ways to cope with all this stress, uncertainty, and the ever-growing temptation to “check out.”

What gives me the audacity to offer advice? Free speech, I suppose. I don’t know shit but writing about how I want to stay healthy and not relapse helps. It’s giving me something to do, anyway. At the very least, reading this blog entry will fill the next 5 minutes of your quarantine. You’re welcome.

Before I go any further, my heart and good vibes go out to all the business owners, people in the service industry, people in situations and hardships I’m not even aware of, and so on. The challenges many of you face are scary, ever evolving, and totally fucked. To the nurses, first responders, hospital workers, and Costco (+ grocery/pharmacy) crew, you’re working your asses off and it’s amazing, thank you. No matter who you are or what you do, times are tough. All I know is that I want to feel “normal” and that’s where alcohol used to come into play. Now, more than ever, is the time to stay sober.

1. Limit news and social media

The news breeds anxiety. It always has. There are countless dickheads out there with misinformation, intending to feed the fear and chaos. Most of it is just noise – they need to have a headline. It’s hard to decipher everyone’s opinion and determine what’s the best source of truth. Perhaps limit checking the news to once a day. Don’t read or watch things that aren’t making you feel better. I rely on my husband to let me know the most important stuff.

I’ve un-followed most of my Facebook friends and rarely look at my feed these days. Why? Because it’s too much meaningless information. Chronically negative and stupid people make my head hurt. Facebook, etc. offers a distorted version of reality and superficial nonsense and distracts us from the moment. You can also mute or unfollow anything that triggers you – like posts about animal abuse and disturbing shit like that. I just can’t handle it, can’t process it, and frankly I don’t want to know. Knowledge isn’t always power for me.

If I’m a being a totally naive Sensitive Sally or whatever, I don’t give a shit. I’ve made some boundaries to protect my heart and mind, so I can get out of bed in the morning. Only you know what you can and can’t handle and no one else is going to do it for you.

2. Get social support

Maintaining social support amid social distancing is a matter of survival for people like us. Finding peeps in situations like ours is super easy online, where you have access to the millions of people who are engaged in or seeking recovery. I’m talking online meetings, addiction/recovery discussion forums, sobriety apps, YouTube channels, podcasts, and so much more. Go here for more recovery resources.

I went to my first online meeting this week at In The Rooms. I quickly discovered that I’m not at all alone! There were 250 people in the “room,” who all wanted the same thing: to feel connected. It was powerful and I’m grateful this option exists at any hour of the day! If you’re like me and not an AA fan, you’ll have to wade through some of the bullshit, but what’s new? Take what you want from it, there’s always something.

For those peeps who’ve been considering going dry, could this be your time??? Who knows?! Try an online meeting. You can be totally anonymous and have absolutely nothing to lose. And hey, it’s something you can control!

3. Keep moving and eat well

It’s so easy to slip into couch potato mode. But, eating salty, sugary, fatty processed foods and only getting up to take a piss is a recipe for a mental health disaster. Don’t eat like shit. You’ll feel like shit.

Keep moving or you’ll feel like an even bigger shit. Everyone knows that exercising can boost your mood, reduce anxiety, lower stress levels, improve your immune system, and so much more. This is a time like no other – an opportunity to invest in yourself with very little effort. You don’t need to enter a fitness contest or take before and after photos, just use your body, nourish it, and carry on.

4. Don’t do it all

Should you really be optimizing this “new” time to get hundreds of things done on your never-ending list? I’m down for a shift in perspective or reevaluation or priorities, but I’m talking about the mindset of our classic American hustle culture, where every second of our lives must be aimed toward profit and self-improvement. More work and needless productivity isn’t the answer. This is a time to find a little ease and peace where we can in this chaotic world. Our culture doesn’t really see self-care as productive, but we should. The world is slowing down to a halt and it’s ok to not be productive and to leave the guilt behind.

No need to write a book, reorganize your closet, paint the bathroom, or bury yourself in mindless busy work. Just chill. Even the most stressed out mother fuckers can find 10 minutes in their day to do something nice for themselves, like just sit and breathe. It could make the difference in your world. Just breathe.

Having said that, if you’re inspired to get some small projects done or get rid of some stuff, go for it. The health benefits from decluttering have become increasingly recognized. Clutter steals your joy and the best things in life aren’t things after all. Except for paper towels and toilet paper, apparently. I’ve been sluggishly working my way through a drawer here and there and I feel a little lighter.

5. Practice gratitude

If you have a hard time feeling grateful and recognizing the positive shit, it’s all about practice. Funny how it doesn’t seem to come naturally, at first (Why is gratitude so hard for some people?). Write in a journal. It sunk in for me a few years ago with lots of practice and focus and has significantly changed my instinctive outlook. I’m grateful to have lots of room for improvement, though. See what I did there? 😉

6. Make yourself laugh

The benefits of laughter go way beyond entertainment. Laughing boosts endorphins, decreases pain, boosts your immune system, lowers blood pressure, fights disease, clears your head, helps with depression and memory loss, reduces inflammation and anxiety, and more. It sounds so trite, but laughter really is the best medicine. So, let’s get to it!

Check out Laughter Yoga on YouTube, if you haven’t. It’s hella silly, but a total gas! I’ve only just discovered it and can’t wait to do it with my kids.

You can find countless funny videos on YouTube. My favorites are of people slipping on ice, people falling, old people falling (yes, I LOL every time), funny animals and pets, laughing babies, and TV news bloopers, but the sky’s the limit. Ask your friends and family what makes them laugh and get on it!

So, what are your plans tonight? I’ll be hitting the living room couch around 8pm or so. If you’re doing the same, check out some of my favorite mindless funny movies, which can also supply you with endless one-liners:

  • Tommy Boy
  • Happy Gilmore
  • Liar Liar
  • We’re the Millers
  • What Women Want
  • DodgeBall
  • The Wedding Singer
  • Bridesmaids
  • Meet the Fockers

And my 5 minutes are up! Back to social distancing and quarantine-style life. Sending love, hugs, and non-drinking vibes your way! Stay strong, you’re worth it!

Thanks for reading,

Chrystal

Go here for more recovery resources.

 

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Winter is here…and so is depression

I’m desperate for some sunny warm days. They lift my spirits, give me energy, and make me feel more like getting out and doing things. Today is miraculously sunny albeit fricking freezing, but these rainy, dark days in Seattle are depressing the hell out of me – if only I could sleep for a solid week. It’s so hard to get out of bed in the morning, to shower, or to even make a phone call sometimes. It doesn’t help that I was laid off from my job and am stuck at home with my 4-year-old who is on a brief hiatus from school. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with my kid is priceless, but I love going to work, being productive, and having adult conversations. The uncertainty and stress of my situation is only deepening my seasonal depression.

This pattern of mood changes has a dramatic effect on my life and it’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. Best acronym ever. Depression associated with SAD has physical symptoms too, including fatigue, increased sleeping, increased appetite, and social withdrawal. These symptoms tend to occur through the months of November until March. Let’s not forget about that fabulous routine 10-15 pound weight gain, too.

I’ve started a healthy diet with a few weight loss supplements from NZ Products, don’t oversleep, and manage my stress to the best of my ability. But you can throw all the drugs, lights, and herbal tea you want at me and I am still barely keeping my head above water. I am so tired of feeling like five months a year are lost to fatigue and depression. It totally blows and makes me wonder if I’m living in the right place. I feel like a terrible Washingtonian bad-mouthing the only place I’ve ever called home, but hot damn. I used to tell myself the amazing summers here were worth the wait, but living through almost half the year like this feels like such a waste sometimes.

I’m looking forward to taking a cruise to the Caribbean in January. That is helping me carry on. You can bet your sweet ass I’ll be posting tropical paradise pics on Facebook like all the other lucky assholes.

I went to an AA meeting the other night – brought a newbie with me. I couldn’t help but imagine how she was feeling throughout the meeting and it brought me back to the beginning of my sober days. Man, am I glad I’ve worked through my anger – anger and depression don’t mix well. Being there also reminded me that I’m not the only one who is having a hard time. It’s good to have those reminders. It helps by making me feel not so alone and scared.

If you have SAD, misery sure does love company – I’d love to hear from you. It’s disgusting how debilitating and isolating it feels. Knowing that I’m not alone in this makes me feel connected and hopeful. I’ll be going to more meetings for sure. And Spring will be here soon, but I’m finding those small moments of joy in these dark days and holding onto them with all my might. My cute little family reminds me of how good life really is. I am hell-bent on becoming more present during these shitty months because they deserve the best of me. Letting it fly also helps, so thank you for reading my blog. May it find you healthy and hopeful this season.

If you’re feeling hopeless, believe me I have been there, too. Please reach out to someone, anyone, even me. We are all in this together and together we can help lift each other up. You are worth it.

-Chrystal

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7 reasons to get excited about Spring – and tips for enduring the transition

In the wise words of Samuel L. Jackson, “Enough is enough!” I don’t know about you, but it’s the first day of Spring and I could squirt some tears of joy now! The winter doldrums have long overstayed their welcome and I’m done. Although it’s the first day of Spring and gloriously beautiful outside, this is Seattle, so the gray days aren’t just going to peace out right away. I figured I could use a little pep talk, so here are 7 reasons to get excited about Spring and 7 ways to endure the transition.SpringIsHere

7 reasons to get excited about Spring

  1. More daylight – emerging from the dungeon of winter is pure bliss! Going to work and coming home, both in the daylight, is magical.
  2. Warmer weather – the warm embrace of a Spring breeze is just so darn pleasant.
  3. Color – whether in your wardrobe, blooming nearby, or on your toenails, color is back!
  4. Birds singing – as long as they stay the hell away from me, I love their beautiful songs!
  5. Grilling – simply an American favorite that’s morphed into a fine art! Bring on the beef, chicken skewers, pizza, corn on the cob, peaches – you name it, we grill it!
  6. New motivation – the new season puts a little spring in our step and rebirth to our goals, prompting us to de-clutter our homes, hit the gym, and start planning vacations.
  7. We’re one step closer to summer!!! You can get your car and go to a trip to somewhere new and enjoy the ride, here are many options for your next car ride !.

Enduring the transition…

  1. Make sure you are meeting your basic needs. Sleep, eat healthy, exercise, and drink lots of water, which is imperative for our brain health and functioning, and can help us tolerate the effects of stress and those lingering winter blues.
  2. Use a “happy” light. I don’t know if they work, but I think mine helps me, therefore it does, ya know?
  3. Stay connected. We tend to hibernate throughout the winter months and this isolation contributes to feelings of depression and anxiety. Reach out to the people in your life whom you feel your best around. Stay away from the assholes.
  4. Be patient with yourself. When you beat yourself up for feeling out of sorts, it adds a whole new level of distress. Easier said than done, but take some deep breaths and visualize the things you want.
  5. Talk about it. If you give yourself permission to talk about the effect seasonal change is having on you, you will most likely find that others understand and validate how you feel.
  6. Be aware. Now that we are out of the cold-weather drinking season, we arrive upon the most challenging and tempting period for me – with beer gardens and wine tastings at every turn. Being aware of your weaknesses and surroundings is critical to your sobriety. Always be ready.
  7. Buy some Kleenex, eye drops, and Claritin! Get ready for the scratchy-eyed sneeze fest…it’ll totally be worth it!
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HOPE is not a four-letter word

I’ve felt pretty defeated lately – can’t seem to get a handle on this depression and anxiety. My frustration is growing and I’m tired. I’m tired of being so wound up. I’m tired of being dragged down. I’m tired of making the same mistakes. I’m tired of disappointing myself. I’m tired of feeling like a shitty wife. I’m tired of missing out. I’m just really tired. All of my energy goes toward being a mom. It’s the only thing I feel like I do right these days. My heart soars with countless moments of joy as I get swept up – it makes me so grateful for the love in my life.  I have it really goddamn good. But, those other moments are breaking me down and I wonder how much longer I can keep this up.

This is a scary place – I can’t imagine that many people manage to sustain their sobriety once they get here. I can see the potential for suicidal thoughts, too. Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m not going to drink and the ONLY thing that is clear to me about suicide is that people don’t really want to DIE, they just want their PAIN TO END. I’ve always known that things will swing back up, but this time around has certainly been the most challenging.

stand in the light

Last week I found the mother of all sparks  – things were definitely looking up. I’d found a glowing light in the form of a handsome 2-year-old malamute mix. We were gaining a new family member who was offering me a legit way out of my hell. I don’t mean to get all dramatic here, but in saving his life, he was truly saving mine. Dogs love us more than we love ourselves and they make our lives so much better. They make us better people. The week leading up to the adoption was full of excitement, planning, and a blossoming love. That sweet fuzzy boy owned my heart and I felt lighter and brighter already. Just hours after we got him shit hit the fan. Although he was an amazing dog, he clearly needed a family without kids and it wasn’t going to work. My heart broke into tiny pieces and I cried harder than I can ever remember. I’d lost my new love and I’d lost my way out. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself and felt heavy with despair.

A few days later I went to a meeting and saw what appeared to be a broken man. After spending the past 5 years in a battle with relapse, his wife had decided to leave him. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, she just couldn’t trust him and needed to move on. Prior to this five-year battle, he’d been sober for 21 years.

He stood before a room full of his peers with slumped shoulders and defeated tone, and announced his 23rd day of sobriety. He went on to tell us more about how his life had fallen apart and I couldn’t help but notice the attention he commanded. The room was his. I don’t know how else to describe it – the confusion, embarrassment, agony, and support – we were all in it with him. The compassion surrounding him was palpable as we all became one beating heart.

This shattered man then declared how grateful he was to be in the room with us. I suddenly realized that even though his life may be broken, he in fact, was not. Although he was practically breathless with pain, there was something that brought him to us that night, into his 23rd day of sobriety, and to a place of gratitude. He wasn’t broken at all. He had found a spark – hope. And in that moment we all had hope.

Until then, I’d felt quite conflicted with the term, hope. I’d always thought hope was for religious people – hoping to escape eternal damnation by being just righteous enough – but that’s not hope, that’s fear. And I’m not saying that’s how all religious people are, so just chill. I thought of hope as a form of denial, clinging to something unsubstantial, or an excuse for not taking action. You know, like when dreams die because they turn into wishes instead of goals. Hope is what turns into change IF/WHEN you act on it. If you don’t act on hope, it also turns into a wish and then you turn into a pussy. I ain’t no pussy. Hope is the spark in a tunnel of darkness. Hope is exactly what I needed.

SO, I decided that this guy is pretty amazing – and if he can do it, I can too. I found hope and now I can set it on fire! The only thing that gets in the way is me. The only limitations set upon me are the ones I entertain in my freaky little brain. I can change how I feel inside and out. I can turn the voices around. I don’t need an excuse to get off my ass, I can just do it. And I’ve already begun.

THIS must be what people in the rooms refer to as spiritual awakenings. I never wanted or expected to have one. I look back in awe – I was hard when I walked in and soft when I walked out. I was overflowing with hope and felt that glow from within.

So there it is. A new chapter, now that there’s a fire under my ass. I will find my peace, I know it. With hard work I will turn my life around for the better. Depression and anxiety are gonna suck it. If something else tries to knock me down (and dude, that’s life) it will get bitch slapped. There’s no more time left for weak bullshit; it’s time to wake up and ACT. I am responsible for my life. I’m going to rediscover my badass.

If I can do it, you can too.

hope is everything

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for reading.

Thanks for your support,

Chrystal

 

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Seasonal Depression – 7 ways to help yourself through

FuckWinter

Winter has always been like a big black hole for me, but this year is far worse than any I can remember. Having struggled with year-round depression and anxiety for most of my life, I’ve navigated through some dark shit. But, this recent spiral into seasonal depression has got me by the throat. I hope to help someone else to not feel so alone and to send a message of hope and inspiration because it will get better.

Waking up

An uncomfortable discussion with my husband (I’m being polite, don’t get used to it) is what woke me up – “THAT’S why I’m feeling and acting like THIS!” Something similar occurs almost every month when I finally realize that PMS is responsible for my current misery, but THIS was way more intense. I was a deer-in-the-headlights for a few days, stunned at the realization that depression had taken hold of me in this way. I was shocked that I hadn’t consciously seen it coming. I knew I had no energy and felt like an irritable, negative piece of shit, but that cloud of doom held me tight in its shadow, forcing me into straight-up survival mode. It’s called seasonal depression, seasonal affective disorder (SAD), or what I like to call the winter blues. It sounds a little lighter to me that way and isn’t technically accurate for my situation, but I don’t give a fiery deuce. Whatever you call it, it’s emotionally defeating and negatively impacting my life in a very real and frustrating way.

Maybe this current episode is due to the added stresses of the recent holidays or having the huge responsibility of molding my kids into highly functioning, well-adjusted, self-reliant adults. Maybe it’s because the only exercise I get is putting the dishes away, making vacuum marks, and sneezing on occasion. Maybe it’s caused by the lack of sunshine (I still love you, Seattle), a chemical shift in my noggin, or maybe it just IS. Sometimes I get caught up in the “why” and that’s not where I need to be.  All I know is that if there were an award up for grabs for Most Miserable Negative Wretch, I’d probably win 3rd runner-up (because I suck that much) and then insist on a digital copy, so I wouldn’t have to go pick it up.

Being depressed

Prepare yourself, this section is pretty depressing. I want to paint a picture of what depression looks like. It’s different for everyone, of course, but the theme is there. It doesn’t ever go away, but there are times when it’s much worse. This is a bad time for me, as you’ll clearly see. If you could hear some of my thoughts, you’d probably have tears in your eyes, but I won’t go into many of those.DrowninginDepression

I look around and see gray skies, barren tree limbs, bare streets, and death. Yes, death. Everywhere. People, animals, garden flowers, dry skin, my will to shave or get out of bed – all dead. I’m reminded of those I’ve lost along the way. I think of our pup who left us almost 2 years ago…it was so traumatic, I don’t know if I’ll ever get past the horror of losing him the way that we did. I miss his loving heart, protective nature, and his big fuzzy ears. Then there’s my grandma. I long to be in my happy place – in her green, 70’s-inspired kitchen eating a peanut butter and butter sandwich on Wonder bread, having her tell me I have a “cute shape” and how talented and special I am. It makes me so sad to think of these things that I’ll never have again, these bonds that have been broken. That’s a never-ending road if I let those memories drive. Of course I’m grateful for those memories – but being grateful doesn’t take away the pain. Depression feeds on the dark stuff and sucks out the light.

Depression is feeling like you’ve been ironed out by a steamroller, like when you get the flu, only there’s no phlegm and the zap just doesn’t go away. I feel weak, tired, emotionally detached, tense, and heavy. I visualize myself wearing flannel, drowning in a murky, cold, stagnant pond of goo. Occasionally I manage to break free from the darkness and gasp for air, but my limbs are too weak and I slip back under. This time of year it’s dark when I leave the house and dark when I get home. All I want to do is sleep. I know extra sleep won’t help, but I desperately fantasize about sleeping for a month. Just a month to check out, and then maybe I’d wake up feeling refreshed. Just want to check out.

My worries tend to haunt me – futuristic crap like having to go find my next job, having to talk to someone when I’m not ready, my loved ones dying, getting into a car wreck, or the Seahawks not making it to the Super Bowl. I’m extremely irritable, indifferent, foggy-brained, and self-critical to the point that I’d classify as my own relentless bully.

JustTiredDepression

I don’t want to do anything or see anyone and would rather spend all day locked up in my bedroom with chocolate cake and booze (don’t worry, I’m not going there). My instinct is to isolate for a few reasons; I’m too busy spending time in my head, I don’t want to depress anyone, I don’t want anyone to see how miserable I feel, and most people either irritate me or stress me out for some reason. Often times I’m a raging, ball-breaking hag because I just can’t handle how I feel. My husband gets the brunt of it, the sorry sack.

If I could have a superpower, I’d either want the ability to fly (fly away FAST) or become invisible. I want to be invisible more often than I want to admit. Depression is an overwhelming experience and frankly, when I’m in the throes of it, it makes me not want to be me. This is a big problem because I’m actually happy, I’m pretty cool, and I have an amazing life!!! I have it all – in fact, I think that makes me even more depressed about being depressed. As a recovering alcoholic, it’s especially important that I fight through. Hopelessness and desperation is a recipe for relapse or worse.

“The most powerful words you can say to someone with an invisible illness is…I believe you.”

 

Finding the light

Depression is dark, so we must seek the light, whatever that means to you. There are things we can do to help make it through. Here’s how I find light:

1. Be with people

  • Supportive people. Luckily, I have people who lift me up. My husband steps up continuously and I depend on his optimism, strength, persistence, and mind-blowing amount of energy, even though it annoys the shit out of me. My kids help me appreciate the simple, most valuable parts of life, pulling me back into the moment. My mom has always been my key to staying grounded and my dad relates with me because we experience a lot of the same struggles AND we can laugh about them. My brother and sister-in-law inspire me and love me for who I am. I even have a close friend or two. A girl couldn’t really ask for more.
  • Set boundaries. I set internal boundaries with everyone. One might call them walls – whatever works. I don’t hang out with assholes and I limit my time with people who trigger negative emotions in me. I don’t care about the reasons why at this point, I just keep my distance as much as possible.
  • Spend time with an animal. Animals are far better than most people. Pets offer unconditional, uncomplicated love and acceptance. They distract us, bring us into the moment, promote touch, get us outside, ease anxiety…need I say more?

2. Be aware of moments

  • Be grateful. You know that feeling when you go on vacation and the stresses of your everyday life disappear and your partner doesn’t annoy the holy living hell out of you? I know that a similar state of being is achievable. It’s probably called peace. I experience peace every night when I kiss my 5-year-old before bed (I love the other kid just the same, but I can’t risk waking the beautiful little freak up at this point) – he’s sleeping so soundly and he’s so damn amazing, I take a big whiff of his neck, give him a few pecks and walk out of his room with a pure, whole, glowing white heart. That’s peace. Sometimes that’s the only peace I get all day and I’m grateful for it.
  • Slow down. Take a deep breath. One deep breath does wonders, you just have to actually remember to do it.
  • Set small goals. I found some pro-longed peace the other day (better than I’ve felt in months) – I’d completed all 3 tasks on my to-do list, sat in front of my “happy light” for a few hours, AND did yoga! While I still felt like a constipated asshole, I felt much lighter, accomplished, and optimistic. Optimistic?! Yes, optimistic! Now that I’m awake to this current depressive episode, I am able to do more about it bit by bit. Some days brushing your damn teeth is an accomplishment…celebrate the fact that your teeth are no longer wearing wool sweaters.

3. Go outside

  • Get some sun. I’ve always been a sun worshipper, probably because I’ve always been depressed. The benefits I get from the sun far outweigh any potential risk of skin cancer. My husband doesn’t get that. He sings a melanoma song sometimes when he finds me sitting in the sun, but I’m not a pasty white English boy with a history of bad sunburns. Now that I’ve entered mid-life (WTF?!), I can only handle 10-20 minutes in sun before I’m spent anyway. But that’s all I need. The feeling I get when I’m sitting in the warm sun is amazing. Drink it up with your eye balls and soak in the warmth on your skin. (I don’t want to get sued, so I’ll just say, please don’t look directly AT the sun. Sun rays can enter your eye balls if you’re simply looking in its direction. If you look directly at the sun, you’re an idiot and you need more help than I can lend.) Thr risk of liver cancer is dangerous as well, it is important to stay hyderated.
  • Try light therapy. I’ve used my new “happy light” 5 or 6 times within the past few weeks or so and I do believe it is helping my mood. It gives me a bit of a headache at first, but then I’m good.
  • Remember that Spring is coming. It helps to be reminded that winter won’t last forever. If we could remove January, February, and March from our calendars, I’d be stoked. Living in Seattle during wintertime is a real pisser.

4. Eat OK

  • Make better choices. I’m not asking you to change it all and emulate Dr. Oz. You don’t have to get all freaky about it and go organic or vegan, just make small improvements. Instead of a candy bar, choose a juicy sweet apple. Instead of white bread, try a loaf of wheat or sourdough. Have 2 scoops of ice cream instead of 5.
  • Give yourself a break. I have the tendency to eat my emotions or attempt to fill voids with food. Rather than fight that urge to binge, I just let it be and make sure it’s food that isn’t completely useless. I take down a seriously large bowl of popcorn with coconut oil regularly. Popcorn = whole grain, fiber, antioxidants. Coconut oil = saturated fat (it’s good, y’all), vitamins and minerals, digestive benefits.
  • Drink water. Water is important for so many reasons. Flush those toxins out. If you’re like me, dealing with constipation, water is essential. Having a large, compacted piece of shit crammed in your intestines doesn’t feel good and certainly adds to irritability, at least for me.
  • Eat less sugar. Sugar is evil.
  • Don’t eat fast food. The only thing you score with a $4 lunch combo is fake shit full of chemicals, sugar, and fat. McDonald’s is a twisted joke. Fast food is an energy suck. Please don’t put that shit into your body!

5. Get into a routine

  • Get up early. I started getting up at the same time everyday about 2 weeks ago. When I hear my alarm go off I want to scream and thrash about like a 2 year-old, maybe even poke my husband in the eye, but I do feel more prepared for the day, once I’m ready to go.
  • Get enough sleep. This isn’t news. It’s hard to feel human, let alone like a good one when you’re tired.
  • Challenge your negative self-talk. This shit is exhausting. But, if you just try to be more aware of it and do what you can to redirect your thoughts or tell yourself to shut the hell up, it will help. Every little effort counts.
  • Take meds if you need to. This here a controversial one, but I’m going to set it right. First of all, see a mental health professional, not your regular doctor. Regular doctors aren’t trained in mental health and don’t know shit. If you’re anti-meds, just hear this – no one is going to give you a medal for toughing it out on your own. If you’re miserable and can’t break free on your own, get some god damned help. Give it a whirl. If you’re afraid of becoming dependent on it, you should probably let that shit go – if it makes life easier, so be it. Life is too short to feel like shit all the time. I’ll pop a pill till the day I’m dead if it helps. Educate yourself.

6. Move more

Exercise is a tough one for me. It used to come naturally, but not anymore. I see people running on the street and I want to open my car door and clip ’em. I’m jealous as hell that I don’t have that drive or will to be able to commit to something so challenging and rewarding. I don’t like committing to things like gyms or workout routines now because I end up losing money and feeling like a worthless dumbass. I am careful not to set myself up for failure. “Well, just DO it then” you say? How about that doesn’t work for me and we’ll just leave it at that.

  • Make small changes. Instead of organized fitness, I’ve been making small efforts throughout my day. Parking farther away from the grocery store is a good one (no, I’m not 80 years old, but all it takes is a little shift of intention sometimes). I’ve taken a few flights of stairs at work for the hell of it (or maybe it was to get away from some idiot crop dusting my area). No matter how I get there, I am making an effort to move more. I’ve taken a few yoga classes and managed to hold my fart in, so those were HUGE encouraging wins. None of this is routine and certainly won’t get me bathing suit ready, but now this is all I can handle. At least it’s something. Plus, I don’t know if I even care if I’m bathing suit ready anymore…I just want to FEEL good.

7. Laugh

LaughterHelpsDepressionLaughing makes us feel better instantly. It is a natural pain reducer, lowers your blood pressure, and lowers stress hormone levels. It relaxes our bodies and gives us an overall feeling of well-being.

  • Find something that makes you laugh every day. Sitcoms are great. Check out some YouTube videos of people falling down or look at pictures of animals cuddling or being cute. Find a goofy morning radio show that makes you chuckle. Whatever makes you laugh, find more of it. And don’t forget about the power of farts. Thinking about, talking about, and ripping farts is funny. And not just to me…you know you can’t help but laugh when someone in the stall next to you rips a long, raspy toilet bow fart. Those echo chambers are there for your entertainment! Smelling someone else’s fart is highly offensive and instantly turns me violent, but everything else about farts is hilarious. Enjoy them!

I’m still pretty deep in that pond of goo, but I can see a ladder to grab and my legs are kicking. This too shall pass and life will go on. I’ll take my moments of peace and keep trying for more, by taking small mindful steps.

If you’re really struggling, this list looks like a piece of shit. I know. It’s so hard to imagine feeling better sometimes. In that case I’ll tell you to do this: put your hand on your heart. Do it. I’m not going to move on until you do it…….OK….Do you feel your heart beating? I couldn’t either and it almost freaked me out…try your pulse. Feel that? That’s your heart pumping blood. That’s love in there. That’s your strength to get you through another day. If I can do it, you can do it. Please don’t give up. Every effort counts, no matter how small it seems to you or others. Your story doesn’t end here and neither does mine.

Thanks for reading,

Chrystal

“Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise on your brain. You just got to be careful not to touch it where it hurts. It’s always there, though.”

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