Yesterday was a shitty day. The kind that will surely stick in my memory for the rest of my life. The details don’t matter – everyone has their own problems. All I want to say is that I made it through a gutting and painful day without taking a drink – and if I can do it anyone can. This girl so desperately wanted a drink – 5 or 6 glasses of wine, actually. I even caught myself licking my lips, fantasizing about that first full-bodied grapey gulp. I imagined that pre-passed-out drunken state of nothingness…and I desperately wanted to be there. To feel my body and brain let go in that old familiar, reckless way that only alcohol could sufficiently lend. I intensely craved that feeling from my long-lost steady friend.
While I have some of the right tools in my belt, I also have many important reasons for not drinking, but the “fuck it” voice in my head wanted to raise some serious hell. I obsessed about booze so profusely I began to shame myself. Somehow through the dark my heart overruled my brain and for that I am grateful. I’m grateful I’m not nursing a hangover and regret while I deal with how shitty I still feel.
Moral of the story is that when life gets shitty you don’t have to relapse. Take care of yourself as best you can and just don’t drink today. Just don’t drink. If you can get sober you can stay sober. Hard times always pass. Feel your heart beating and hear its truth. “If light is in your heart you will find your way home”.
Your sobriety is that light and it will always take you home.